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On Sunday, August 4th, I turned 43 years old.
That same weekend, I got to celebrate with my sisters, besties and my daughter for a bachelorette/birthday weekend in Palm Springs. Fair to say that I am still recovering from all of the good food, good vibes and the stomach pains from all of the deep belly cackles that eminated from our bodies as we dove head first into our crazy and hilarious activities. We also caught up on our housewives (very important) and Michelle (one of my besties since seventh grade), and I culminated our weekend with Del Taco delivered by Doordash.
We classy, yo
Just a couple of photos from our fun weekend:
I am beyond blessed to have the most incredible human beings in my life to call family and to call my friends. Even my daughter, who is my maid of honor, got to come along and be a part of the celebration of love and second chances.
I had posted on my insta that if I were to write a book, I would title this chapter of my life "the year dreams came true."
That's because they really have
While I don't yet have my dream career all figured out and I still have one more exam to get through before I can even begin that journey, other dreams have come to fruition.
The biggest one so far is finding love again after heartbreak and divorce. That is not an easy feat. I am 51 days away from marrying the man of my dreams, but truth be told, I wasn't sure that would ever happen. Marriage and love seemed very exclusive to specific types of people, and those of us on the outside trying to wade our way through the turbulent waters of dating and committment (there are so many awful people out there on the dating apps, men and women), that really it just looked like it would be better to be single for the rest of your life and enjoy doing things on your own terms with people who truly support you and are there for you. Even through all of your ugly moments. That was the plan. I was really starting to feel pretty darn good about being on my own and being able to sleep without worrying if my significant other was cheating on me. Seriously. That brings a lot of peace and good sleep!
However, I met an incredible human being, and now we are getting married and blending our family together. We are creating our dream wedding and celebration, even though it probably would have been a whole heck of a lot cheaper to just elope and have friends over to our house to celebrate. But I AM HAPPY we are planning a wedding. We are just tired. And getting poorer every day.
Another dream that is being realized is my circle. The people whom I have chosen to align myself with and whom I get to do life with. I have never been the most popular girl, or the most successful girl, or even the prettiest and smartest girl. It's not that I don't want to be pretty, or smart, or super successful. I have never needed popularity to feel good about myself. I noticed pretty early on that when I surrounded myself with a large crowd of people, the intentions of others became pretty clear. I have had women in my life who have said they were my friends, only to turn and distance themselves from me and even judge me......especially after my divorce. I was definitely in my lonely girl era during that time and trying to navigate who my real friends while trying to start over in life, raise my children, work full time in order to put food on the table, and heal from a broken heart was stressful and depressing. It was rough. Looking around at my world now, almost 5 years later, and I see beautiful and supportive faces of women who literally held my hand during the darkest period of my life. I am a better woman and a happier person because of them. Should everything hit the fan again in life (always possible, unfortunately), I got my girls. They got me. We got this.
Thirdly, and possibly the biggest ah-ha for me, is seeing my dream of me. Myself as a person. As a woman. Who I desire to be. The kind of mother I want to be. I am so grateful to have the relationship I do with my daughter and my son. Madi is 18 and heading off to college soon and moving out of the house. She is now moving in to the friendship part of our relationship. We are now friends. It makes me teary eyed thinking on it. Sean is 15, and is just so sweet to me. He and I are incredibly close as well.
I have been on a quest to also break free from my people pleasing and actually speak up to say exactly what is on my mind. I am not mute by any means, and I will say what needs to be said, especially if it needs to be said. More often than not, however, I try to pause before I lash out. Words have incredible power. I don't want to be angry woman, even if I am angry. I also don't want to be stepped all over and taken advantage of. I spent many years where I allowed things to happen and bad behaviors to continue so that I wouldn't destroy the peace. But it was my own peace that was in torment and that is changing. I dont like hurting feelings, but I am learning that I don't always have to accomodate every person in order to make them feel better. It's a gradual process for me, so I am having to learn to not get frustrated with myself when I find myself in old habits and thinking old thoughts. Perfection will happen when I die, I suppose.
I have also been on this journey of writing and rediscovering that whole world of using words to influence, impact, encourage and equip. While right now, it doesn't make me money, and maybe one day it will. I love words. All of my thoughts and feelings and ideas will flow out of my head and onto the screen as my fingers type away. If someone were to ask me what career I would love to have, it would be to write. This blog creates such an outlet for me to share a piece of myself with you.
It has taken me 43 years to admit to myself that I don't want a regular career and life. I am too free-spirited for that. I am too impulsive and I get stir crazy and I want to do things that require me to be creative and real. I don't do insufferable. Maybe it won't make me a billionaire, and while that would be awfully nice (who wouldn't want to be rich?) I would much rather be happy doing what I absolutely love with the people I love. I want to tell stories and share anecdotes and advice and hope on everything from love to dreams to living a life you are beyond proud of.......and everything in between.
Perhaps I am just rambling at this point. I have been awakened in the middle of the night for a few months now just processing all of this, and it is coming out now, in the blog, on a birthday post.
Several dreams have come true, and there is still one that is evading me.....but I am determined to make it a reality. After all, I have had my whole lifetime so far to get to this point. What is a few more years to work hard at that dream and see is come to fruition? Worth it, I say.
Thank you for being here and reading all of this. If you made it to the end, you are a real champ.
I have some topics up my sleeve for this blog and will be posting them soon.
Until then, rooting you on.
Your Dream BuildHer Bestie,
Tiffany Rhea
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