Photo from my 40th birthday girls trip in 2021.
I don't know about you, but my 40s are turning out to be some of the best years of my life, and I am more energized than ever to see what lays ahead.
The last couple of years just before turning 40 were rough. Actually, my 30s were pretty hectic. Between relationship turmoil, financial insecurity, lack of self confidence, parening littles who were becoming pre-teens and teens at a rapid rate, an eviction....you can imagine the stress and the gray hair I accumulated.
All of this was not one person's fault, but there were crtainly moments where I wondered if this was really the best that life had to offer. Was this the life I wanted? I knew some changes had to be made, and gratefully now in hindsight, someone made it to where I had no choice but to choose myself and make some incredible changes.
I am happier than I have ever been. Even though I was told of all the horrors to expect and disappointments to expect once 40 came knocking, turning 40 was absolutely......Fabulous.
Looking back, I have realized that the changes that I made and will continue to make have been remarkably empowering and educational. So much so, that I think it is worth sharing as I believe that these changes should be executed, or at the very least, researched by every woman over 40.
I firmly believe it is never too late to have the life you have always dreamed of, but you can't uncover it without a little housekeeping.
Here are some changes every woman should make by every woman over 40.
Evaluate your relationships. All of them. I am not going to tell you to break up with your man or get a divorce and have a divorced-mom summer and find a younger dude to date. Nor am I suggesting that you should drop all of your friends or abandon your family/children. What I am encouraging is to evaluate the people in your life and how you have all grown over the last several years. We change as people. We should be changing and growing. The core of who we are doesn't change, but our ideals, thoughts, values, and paths will and should evolve. That includes your circle of people. If you are married, and you discover that you and your spouse are not on the same page, find a way to reconnect, get to know the person who has grown up and fall in love all over again. Same with your friends. It is likely that they have grown too. Don't be afraid to admit when a friendship/relationship has ran its course. That is just part of life.
Embrace lower impact strength workouts. In my 20s and 30s, I was a huge fan of HIIT workouts and crossfit type activities. Now, I am drawn to going on walks, strength training with weights or resistance bands, and barre/pilates workouts. I will still run on occasion, and in fact, I plan to sign myself up for another half marathon soon, but the lessening of hard impact on my body has been a game changer for my physical and my mental fitness. I don't want to look like a 25 year old woman. I want to look like a healthy, strong, and fit woman in her 40s who has the energy of a younger woman. I love my body now. This body has birthed two incredible human beings. I think I look better now than I did in my younger years. I am much happier and more confident too.
Start a hobby/project/career of your own if you haven't already. Listen, the majority of the time, especially during the child rearing years, the women are the ones who put their dreams, ambitions and interests on the back burner. Life really is short and the years fly by quickly. My first born heads off to college in a couple of months. That is how fast life moves. So, with that said, it is okay for you to say it is your turn to do what YOU have always dreamed of doing.
Invest, save, plan for your financial future and for your family. My love works in finance as well and has been the biggest encourager and contributer to this change. He told me he plans on living for a long time, but if Jesus calls him home sooner than we would like, he wants to make sure I am okay. I won't be destitute, but I don't want to have to rely on him to survive the remaining years of my life. So, I started saving. I started researching investments, retirement, plans to protect my children and even my fiance should anything happen to me. Recognizing my own mortality has made me more apt to take action in the things that matter, even if they are difficult to talk about.
Make changes to your wardrobe. My style has certainly evolved over the years. I have always thought of myself as a woman who enjoys wearing classic and well fitted clothes without spending a gazillion dollars. Basically, I like to look like I have money without actually spending that much money on designer fashions. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy a cute mini skirt and tight dress when I am out with my man, and I will even wear a skimpy bikini around him, but when I am out and about with my girlfriends or having dinner or brunch or at my kids activities, I LOVE looking polished. I take great pride in looking fashionable. Fashion is art to me. For you, if your style has evolved, take a trip to your closet and spend a day evaluating what still works, what doesn't, and go shopping. Yes. Shop. Invest in pieces that you know will last a long time. Shop at Nordstrom Rack, Marshalls, H&M, and Target for good deals on pieces. Avoid fast fashion sites like Shein, if possible. Head on Pinterest for styles that fit your vision. Rent the Runway and Fashion Pass are great options as well to be able to rent designer clothes, and it is good for the environment!
Travel More. Solo or with friends. It doesn't matter. Those places you have always wanted to visit? Grab your passport and get on that plane, boat, whatever. When we die, we are not going to say that we wish we would have worked more and made more money. You can always make money. Really, you can. While yes, budgeting and saving for these tips might be necessary, it will be worth it.
There is so much more I could add to this list. Get your checkups regularly. Drink more water and less alcohol. Love the wrinkles that are starting to show up on your face. Embrace the grays that peep through your hair. Less caring about what Gen Z thinks (wait until they become our age....then they will understand). Smile more, not because a man told you to, but because it is an instant mood booster. Wear that bold lip color you have been too timid to try.
Truly, being a woman in her 40s, 50s, and beyond just kicks ass. Embrace it, sister friend. I am rooting you on!
Your Dream BuildHer Bestie,
Tiffany Rhea
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